If you told me that being on hall council meant that you got dragged into a darkened room lit by candlelight, containing men in suits carrying ancient papers and the odd sword, I would tell you that you are on crack. I’m afraid that this is EXACTLY what I’m going to tell you.

After elections, our hall council consisted of a bunch of my friends and two upperclassmen girls. A hall council training session later, we knew each other pretty well, and I could call Erin and Addie my friends. I liked talking to Erin because she was interesting, and one meeting her boyfriend Mike came before it ended. He waited until we were done, listening to our normally hilarious mix of real issues and Kenny’s comments. I had heard of Mike before, so I went up and talked to him with Erin a little, and called it a night.

Apparently Mike was impressed by me. He was part of the Zeta Psi fraternity, and he asked Erin if I would ever consider going Greek. Through her I told him I was open minded, so he started inviting me down to the house for open dinners, and other random events. I liked the guys at the house, and although I had never thought about it before, I started to consider joining. One evening the Zetes (as they are called) were taking people to an ice skating rink, and I wasn’t planning on going. Erin was mad, because she didn’t want to be the only one she knew there, so she asked my friend Jason to go. When I heard he was going I dropped my inhibitions and took to the ice several hours later. My first time skating saw me fall only twice, with the years of experience skiing coming in handy.

The Fraternity rush period ended, and Jason and I were both extended bids, meaning we could pledge if we wanted to. We both accepted them, and were invited to an “event” this last Friday. We dressed up like we were told, and were taken in the back entrance of the Frat building, through the bowels of the basement and the kitchen. We were taken to a holding room where we stalled some time, and then we were escorted into the largest room in the house. The lights had been turned off, and everyone had on their most formal attire. At the corner of each room were men at tables, surrounded by candles. No one flinched, smiled, or coughed; we proceeded from table to table, where different members of the frat gave speeches. One drew a sword suddenly, surprising all of us.

I’m not sure how much of this I can tell you, so I will stop short of telling you what was said. Anyone reading this could probably care less what was said in this secret gathering, but at no point did I say “Thank you, sir, may I have another!” Being in a fraternity looks to be interesting, and I am not at all sad I am pledging.

Someone told me they overheard another frat’s brothers talking about me, with the conversation going some thing like this:

“Did you hear Sam is pledging Zeta Psi?”
“No. Damn.”
“I know, we almost had him ourselves.”

I have played lots of games throughout my life, and the people I have played with have said many things about me. Some things are positive like “You’re one hell of a lucky bastard” while others are fairly negative “I’m gonna shove that card so far down your throat you’ll be shitting “Plow Under”s for weeks!” All in all, I enjoy playing games, regardless of whether the other player does. I have compiled a description of the things other people have noticed when playing games with me.

• I give advice, early and often. This advice is often what the person was going to do anyway. He then decides NOT to do it, because it must be some trick, and in the end wishes he had done it. He then blames me for devising some cruel trick to make him lose, while in reality I was basically just saying what I’d do in his situation.
• I have lady luck on my side. When rolling a dice, I invariably get the number I need, while you invariably get the number you least want. This applies to D6 all the way to D20, and does not disappear when you change the dice, throw them down the stairs, or at me. Also, in pool the balls seem to have magnetic attractions to the holes ONLY when I am shooting, and repulsions when you are.
• I concentrate. I focus on the game, and give it my attention. When other people are in the room I have been accused of plotting with them to distract my opponent, since he is distracted but I am not.
• Somehow the deck/army/strategy works better for me than when it does for you. If I beat you ten times with my strategy, then we flip just for fun, I still somehow beat you.
• I know rules you haven’t heard of. I can verify some, others I can’t seem to find the page. You claim I made them up, but in reality I just knew a previous rule that would help me out, and if you knew the rules as well, you could call me on the same thing.
• I’m a selfish, greedy, unlawful, unscrupulous pig, mainly because I took your unguarded city when you sent your army to take mine.
• My units do things yours can’t, like build in half the time, move twice as fast, and they invariably have smarter AI than yours do.
• In any argument, Sam will never admit to his being wrong, regardless of whether he is or not. He will adamantly portray himself as being right until he realizes he is wrong, only then will the scoundrel give in.

All this has caused certain conditions to arise when people play games with me. I have listed them in the a recognizable form.

10 Commandments of playing Games with Sam

1. Thou shall not let Sam win, regardless of price.
2. If Sam should win, then claim he didn’t win and that you were warming up, best of 3 (or 5, or 7, or 9, etc.).
3. It is nobler to jump in the lava than to let Sam kill you and gain a frag.
4. If a dice seems to consistently side with Sam, throwing the dice through the air at him will rid the object of its inherent evil.
5. If Sam doesn’t like the idea of best of 3, claim he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and change the subject.
6. If Sam has some slight lead for no particular reason, he’s cheating. Don’t forget to remind him of it.
7. If Sam suggests we institute a new rule that will stop some abuse of the other rules, call him a cheater and claim he is just helping his team. (don’t be swayed if he tries to tell you that you’re on his team, he’s only playing with your mind, he’s tricky like that)
8. Sam is always wrong when it comes to arguing, regardless of how much he knows about it. A corollary is that you always know more than Sam does, he only tries to trick you.
9. If it is a multiplayer game, the first part of the game is always everyone versus Sam, and then the game can progress normally.
10. It is always important to act like you don’t care when you play a game, so that his concentration will look like he’s trying waaaaaay to hard. Afterwards you can say to him “Jeeze man, can’t you play a game for fun?” This will set him up for his crushing defeat the next time you meet on the battlefield.

One very interesting thing I noticed about being taped and then seeing the tape later in the day is that you can’t forget yet. You still remember what you were thinking when you see yourself doing something. I remember what I was thinking when I took a leak on the fire, but on the video, you don’t see what I was thinking.

In documenting on video a long activity I participated today, and watching it afterward, I was fortunate enough to see an hour and a half of myself, candid on camera, and I thought I’d share some of my impressions.

I am a ham. When I knew I was being watched I acted a little wilder, when the camera was on me, I was a little more likely to do things then when it wasn’t.

I am stubborn. At one point I insisted that regardless of how we did something, that I was fine with it as long as it wasn’t Branden’s way of doing it.

I am bossy. I grabbed things out of other people’s hands all the time, told people what to do, choose procedures for the entire group, and argued when others decided that they had a better idea.

I am slightly conceited. It took watching me work with others on the video for me to realize how little I actually was doing, and how much of the work I was making others do. At the time it didn’t occur to me, because “obviously the work I was doing was important.”

In realizing all this, everything here is based around an inflated opinion of myself, my views, and other peoples views of me. I guess on the plus side is that I won’t deal with depression a hell of a lot in my life, but other people may not view my healthy self-esteem as positively as I may

Today I had an interesting comment made about me. I was making some French toast with one of my friends, and I was wondering how much of this to put in, how much of that, etc. She turned to me, exasperated, and exclaimed “Sam, you are such an engineer!!” That comment would warrant shouts of pride from some people, and outright weeping from others. I was being anal, I wanted to know how much milk to put in, if we should measure the cinnamon, and she completely didn’t care. She told me to pour, and that she’d tell me when to stop. So I did, and she did. It was simple, no measuring cups, no unneeded steps involved, just pour, then stop when it feels right. It rather surprised me how much aversion I had to her simple steps. I wanted to know: 1/2 milk 1/2 eggs? Or was it 3/4 eggs and 1/4 milk? What the ratio damnit! It’s all part of a bigger picture, part of something inherent in my being. It’s the fact that I’m a guy. I want the damn numbers, give me a number, and tell me what you think and why you think it, none of this “feeling” crap. Another girl at a different time told me that she thinks I would be a waste if I didn’t take art classes, or something non-technical, she didn’t want me to end up as “just another sad engineer.” What’s wrong with being an engineer? Because numbers are only part of life, they are the non-living part, and it scares me greatly that I’m not used to living without them.

In Real Life, a small band of the al-Queda terrorist network, a terrorist group operating outside the law, takes it upon themselves to rid the world of the scourge of the United States. They fly a surprise attack against the United State’s primary symbol of its economic power, and destroy the World Trade Center. In “Operation Enduring Freedom”, the United States, angry at the loss of its World Trade Center, initiates a massive campaign against the al-Queda terrorist network, destroying their main base of operations.

In Star Wars, a small band of the Rebel Alliance, a terrorist group operating outside the law, takes it upon themselves to rid the universe of the scourge of the Empire. They fly a surprise attack against the Empire’s primary symbol of its war power, and destroy the Death Star. In “The Empire Strikes Back”, the Empire, angry at the loss of its Death Star, initiates a massive campaign against the Rebel Alliance, destroying their main base of operations. In “Return of the Jedi”, the Rebel Alliance retaliates to destroy the Empire’s last power center, and along with it, Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader. Thus a new age is ushered in, with the galaxy no longer in the grips of the Empire, but returning to the teachings of the Jedi.

Logically, in “Return of the Muslims”, the al-Queda terrorist network retaliates to destroy the United State’s last power center, and along with it, President Bush and Colin Powell. Thus a new age is ushered in, with the world no longer in the grips of the United States, but returning to the teachings of the Muslims.

Added later:

This has been by far my most controversial chapter, with many people taking both sides on whether something like this should even be written. My purpose with the piece was not to offend, but rather to force a different perspective at a time where it seemed there was a halt on independent thought.